There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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