there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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