We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
