And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
