I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
