i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
