Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
