I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
