Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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