So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
