i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
