How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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