I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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