so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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