We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bring me that man meat
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize