The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
