There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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