as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
