He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
