I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
