I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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