living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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