OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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