Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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