honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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