i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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