nut hugger
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
