One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm too high and old for this...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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