i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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