I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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