My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
