I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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