The maid of honor just puked.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
