my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
