I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
