my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize