I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
