if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
