I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
