Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
handjob tips. give me some.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
