i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
