idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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