It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
