im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize