Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
