just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
