It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
