Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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