i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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