I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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