Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
