Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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