Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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