I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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