I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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