Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
