Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
