A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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