the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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