I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
