Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
