I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
