Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
