I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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